Meet Holden.

Beau Stucki wrote this intro for Holden. “Holden is a curious man. Curious in the sense that he has an insatiably inquisitive spirit – always learning, researching a period of history, a movement in art, or a field of biology. And curious in the sense that he is eccentric, strange – a bewildering mixture of refinement, doubt, wit, stubbornness, faith, cynicism, generosity, and keen perception.The first thing that usually strikes a person when meeting Holden is his humor. Throughout his life he has been noted and prized for his unique brand of self-doubting, intellectual, and undeniably wacky comedy. He brings that comedy to light through his expressive face, his well-timed remarks, and his razor sharp pen. The next thing a person meeting Holden would notice is his devotion to his family. His work, his thoughts, concerns, hopes, and guarded inner self revolve around the happiness and well being of his beautiful match of a wife and his poster-child child. He has perfect pitch and an exceptional ear for music, he has an encyclopedic memory, and he has a wholly original take on any situation. He is Kubb enthusiast, a writer, a thinker, a father, a husband, and a curious friend. He is Holden Green.”

Was there a specific moment in your life when you realized you were funny?
This one’s hard, so I’ll list two:
#1: This one time, we had a young men’s/young women’s activity, and there was a jello eating contest. I didn’t really want to do it but one of my leaders tried to make me. So I went and hid in the church bathroom. After a few minutes, I went back into the cultural hall where the jello eating contest had started, and I just took the plate of jello I was supposed to be eating and walked out with it so I could enjoy it at my own pace. Then this kid yelled at me that I was a cheater. And I was like, “Sorry man. But I’ve got to eat it at my own pace.” And I did.

#2: Probably the time in high school when I took the AP stats exam and had no clue how to do any of the problems, so I just drew pictures on my test. One of the pictures was of a slide coming down over the edge of one of the problems, and at the bottom of the slide, there was a giant open alligator mouth, and there were little people sliding down into his mouth, yelling “WEEEEEE!” And then I wrote a little message on the page to whoever was going to grade the test that said something to the effect of “I’m sorry whoever has to grade this but I hope it’s entertaining for you.” And then I got a 3 on the test! Just kidding, I got a 1. That’s an F. I blame it on the fact that we did nothing in that class during our last semester except watch 24.

What drives your passions?
Doing anything that causes me to marvel and wonder at the creations of God. Human anatomy, hiking, and space are three of my interests that I would consider myself passionate about. Anytime I study human anatomy, I am in awe at the workings of the human body and the way it’s designed. It’s crazy to think that humans have been around for so long and yet we are still learning new things every day about how we work. Hiking gives me an appreciation for this beautiful earth, and looking up at the sky at night fills me with amazement at the vastness of space and how small we are in the universe.

You’re a creative writer, where do your ideas spring from?
I don’t really know, honestly. If I’m writing about my own life, my inspiration can come from anywhere, including ordinary every day events or something silly that happened 20 years ago. I feel that writing in a journal my whole life has helped keep my memory sharp, and that gives me a lot of silly things to write about. If I’m writing fiction or anything else, inspiration strikes at pretty random times, there’s really no telling when I’ll get an idea for something.

If you could offer ONE piece of advice to a group of strangers, what would that advice be?
Sorry, there’s two:

Nothing happens by sitting around doing nothing. You create your own destiny with action.

Also… good video games get remembered. But Shaq-Fu never dies. Never forget that kid.

When was the last time you felt brave?
The whole ordeal of Rivers’ birth and hospital stay, and living by myself for a month and a half while working, taking several difficult classes, and traveling up north on weekends to spend time with Emily and Rivers, being unfamiliar with Salt Lake City but still managing to maneuver my way around without killing myself or getting lost.

What has been the happiest moment in your life so far?
Probably my wedding day. Or the day Rivers came home from the hospital. Or that time on a Madrigals trip in 12th grade when we were eating at Olive Garden, and I thought it was hilarious that I could drink my beverage 4 times faster with 4 straws, and also I was making barking sounds at the people at the next table over, and for some reason, we all thought it was a laugh riot. I guess it was. I’m sorry, I have too many happy moments.

Would you consider yourself an optimist?
Good question. Sometimes I don’t feel very optimistic, but things have generally always worked themselves out in my life. I just graduated from a rigorous two year university program, one in which I felt on multiple occasions I was not going to pass. Emily and I have been scraping by financially the past few years, even when I thought we weren’t going to make it another year. Things have just worked out for us, I have realized. Although I hesitate to say that because a lot of people have it worse than us and things sometimes don’t work out. Emily has stayed amazingly positive through all our struggles, and I admire her for it and try to do the same.

-Holden Spleen